Nexus Fostering - Men Who Foster Support Group

Nexus Fostering in Ampthill have began running their men who support group, a group dedicated to bringing men together who are foster carers.

Richard has been a Social Worker for 34 years now and has extensive experience in working with children and young people; this has been from a range of roles, from working in children's residential homes supporting teenagers who suffer from emotional behaviour to working in child protection. Fostering can sometimes feel very female-led, and Richard wants to make sure men who foster are supported, listened to and heard. That is why he set up the men who foster support group in his local Ampthill office. He shares his reasons for enjoying running this support group and what it involves.

'Often throughout my career, I was the only male carer working with children and teenagers who would have emotional behaviour. Being a male carer brings a similar task to being a female carer, but being a male carer, you must be very aware that it can have a different dynamic than a female carer. Often, when young people are coming into foster care, they may not have ever had a positive male role model in their life, or the males in their lives have been absent or suffering from alcohol, drug or violence problems. Male foster carers can be deceived as being a bad person by the child in their care due to past experiences they may have suffered from, so male foster carers may have barriers to overcome, which the female foster carer might not. Sometimes, it might be hard for the female foster carer to understand how a male might find it more complex, and I want to help with that.

If children have suffered abuse, neglect or violence from a male in their life, often the children and young people will have a wall up and worry the next male in their life will do the same and cause harm to them. You can be the kindest and most caring man around, but because of the barrier the child has, it can be tough. Men who foster also have to consider more things, such as how they are around the home, the day-to-day care of the child, and how boundaries are reinforced, which you have to be very mindful of.

All male foster carers need to be mindful of how they present themselves, if they raise their voice, and how they dress around the home as the foster child might have experienced a lot of fearful situations, and certain situations might be triggering for the children and young people.

The men who foster support groups are very informal; the first was at Tenpin Bowling. The foster carers can meet people outside their usual network, get to know other male foster carers and share experiences. The second meet-up we did was a curry night together at the local office in Ampthill, and the men all spoke openly about their fostering journeys and anything else they wished to discuss. Ensuring the men know it is an open space and everyone is welcome to bring something to the table. They can bounce off one another, share ideas, and help by having relatable fostering experiences.  

Our support groups are held every few months as we offer other meet-ups, support groups, and fostering training, so we don't want to overload the men with commitments, as the role of a foster carer can mean they are busy people. It is about the men growing in confidence and sharing experiences, which has been fantastic. Allowing them to network is excellent, and seeing them meet others reinforces that fostering family community across our fostering agency. The feedback has been tremendous, and they have all enjoyed it. We look forward to the next men who foster support group.'

Find out more about our Ampthill office - Ampthill | Nexus Fostering