Julian & Mandy - caring for a sibling group of three & building lasting bonds as a fostering family

Julian and Mandy begin their fostering journey by supporting a sibling group of three, and six years later, they are still living together as a fostering family.

A new chapter

Julian, a builder, and Mandy, a mental health nurse, decided to become foster carers after a friend who had been in foster care suggested they would be great at it due to their personalities and kindness. They applied to Nexus Fostering and were approved six years ago. Initially planning to foster one child over the age of five, they instead welcomed a sibling group of three, aged 1 to 10, to keep them together. Now the children are aged 7 to 16, the couple's dedication and commitment have helped the children grow in confidence and settle into life as a fostering family.

Many people assume the female will be the primary foster carer when the household begins fostering, but once approved, Julian swapped his builder role to be a full-time foster carer, inspiring for many men and women to see. With experience running football and hockey clubs for children, Julian had a foundation in teaching and learning with children, which he believed would help in fostering. He embraced the change with determination to support the siblings in their care.

Adjusting to a new way of life

When you begin fostering, there is a lot of new information to learn, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming. Even though Julian and Mandy could transfer lots of skills into fostering, they shared that there were many new ways of working, and it took time. They had to adjust to working with multiple professionals and reporting regularly, which was a shift from raising their own children independently Mandy, accustomed to child protection cases through her nursing, found this transition easier. Julian, who has dyslexia, admits the paperwork side of fostering was something he had to get used to. At the beginning, they were doing daily reporting, so it was a relatively large task for him to adapt to, but he took it in his stride and adapted well, proving his dyslexia wouldn't be a barrier for him.

Decision-making at the start was complex, with several court dates determining the long-term outcomes for the children, causing uncertainty. Their primary concern was keeping the sibling group safe and calm. Eventually, it was decided the children would stay with Julian and Mandy until at least age 18, providing the family with much-needed closure and stability.

When you welcome a child into your home, you may not know how long they will be living with you initially, so you need to be prepared for changes and be adaptable as a foster carer.  

The siblings initially had a lot of contact with their birth family, which often left them unsettled. Their behaviour would change when family contact was nearing or ended. The couple shared that they found it challenging sometimes to manage the family contact. The siblings still see their mum and dad, which the carers know is important for them. Julian and Mandy have built structure and routine from day one, which has helped everyone. They have also been supporting a child with a ADHD assessment which has included learning all the traits and ticks that can come with ADHD and as a household they have learned what their coping mechanisms are.

Julian and Mandy have continued to learn through new situations, the support from Nexus Fostering, and ongoing courses, demonstrating that fostering is a continuous learning process even after six years.

Overcoming challenges together

Looking after your well-being as a foster carer is key to maintaining a harmonious household. Fostering has its ups and downs, so making time for yourself and spending quality time together as a foster family is important for everyone. Every person has different ways of dealing with stressful situations, and Julian and Mandy's household is no different. The pair admit if they make mistakes and own them, it allows them to learn from them. Everyone is human, and no one is perfect, so you cannot be too hard on yourself. The couple deals with problems head-on, and as foster carers, you have to get things done and deal with situations appropriately.

Mandy attends boxercise with their oldest foster son, which the pair thoroughly enjoy. This has been a firm favourite for them, with Mandy witnessing his growth and flourishing. Their young people have their own unique ways of dealing with stress, and their oldest foster child enjoys outings to places such as the cinema with Julian and Mandy's son as the pair get on well. The young people in the home have bonded with Julian and Mandy's children, and when they all get together for a Sunday roast, that is a special time for them all to come together. The family all went to go-ape recently and were amazed at how brave the children were. They are proud of the confidence they have built within themselves over the years.

Julian supports the children by taking them to clubs like swimming, gymnastics, and sea cadets, and engaging in one-on-one activities such as games and outings. He helps one foster child with ADHD manage stress through activities like word searches or reading during car journeys.

Julian and Mandy also prioritise their own time, occasionally taking holidays alone. During these times, their daughter, who lives on their property, cares for the children, providing a break for the couple and maintaining close family ties. The children enjoy these times as they are very close to her. This break helps Julian and Mandy avoid burnout and reflect on their fostering journey.

A time to reflect

Six years into their fostering journey, Julian and Mandy are proud to see the children thriving in school and life. Seeing the positive changes in the children, acknowledged by others, bring the couple a deep sense of accomplishment and inspiration. Their eldest foster son, who now has a job and is preparing for college with aspirations for university, has matured into a protective big brother. Julian and Mandy reassure him that their home will always be his home, offering stability and support even after he turns 18. Julian emphasises, "Once the siblings turn 18, we will not stop being their foster carers; they are part of our family and are here whenever they want to be. We will make sure they have a safe, stable home forever."

At Nexus Fostering, you are allocated a supervising social worker who is there for guidance and support whenever you need it. Julian and Mandy praise their Supervising Social Worker and said, "she gets us and gets how we think, and the children love her." Julian and Mandy feel a sense of ease and stability with her, with Mandy adding that "she gets things done when they are needed and is always on it for the household. It is nice to know she is there when we need her."

Fostering has its highs and lows, requiring kindness and mutual support. Mandy tells us, "Julian is amazing with the children. He is calm and a stable influence. He does everything. Julian is the glue that holds everyone together, and I am really proud of him." The presence of a male primary foster carer has positively impacted the children, showing them a strong, nurturing male role model. Both Julian and Mandy continue to balance their roles, with Mandy maintaining her career as a mental health nurse.

Reflecting on their journey, Julian and Mandy consider all six children their own, embracing the occasional clashes as signs of open communication and emotional honesty. They find immense rewards in fostering, seeing the children flourish and knowing they are making a significant difference. They emphasise the importance of advocacy in fostering, sharing, "You feel like you are always fighting for the children. The children are always worth the fight; you have to fight for them every single day."

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