Foster Carer Sam's insights on children going missing from care

Foster Carers Sam and Charles open up about how they have navigated fostering children and young people who have had missing episodes in foster care, also known as running away. 

''In thirteen years of fostering, we have cared for three children, at different times, who regularly went missing. They were all children who were placed with us as teenagers (two teenage boys aged 15 and one teenage girl aged 13), but they were all settled here, and their missing episodes didn't coincide with any arguments or disagreements we'd had. Instead, they were seeking friendships and excitement. None of them had friends in the area or went to school; they were all living away from where they were brought up and where their friends and family lived.

There is, of course, a procedure to be followed when a child goes missing in foster care. This can be a lengthy process, and eventually, there will be at least one visit from the police, sometimes several, depending upon the length of time the child is missing. 

In the first instance, the police take things very seriously and pull out all the stops to find them.

Sadly, once it happens a few times and they recognise the child's name, it's not always treated with the same degree of urgency. If a child is still in communication with you and replying to calls or texts but is just refusing to come back, the police sometimes try to argue that they are not missing, but they are absent; therefore, the danger is not as great.

Various strategies are implemented after the child returns, including a police visit. This visit is to find out if the child is okay and whether there is any support they would like.

As foster carers, we are also always there to support the young person when they return home.

often, they really want a shower, food and sleep. The temptation to be angry is pointless as it would drive a wedge between you and the child and make things worse. A discussion when the child is ready to talk about it is usually the way to go.

As far as the household is affected, it mainly affects us as foster carers. It is worrying, especially when you know they are vulnerable children. Missing episodes often happen in the evening when a child doesn't return at the requested time. If the police do visit (they don't always), it will often be in the early hours of the morning when they have availability to send an officer. Other children in your household could also be woken by the police turning up, making the dogs bark (in our case) and then searching the missing child's bedroom. We have taken this in our stride and have seen it as an aspect of the role we accepted when we became foster carers. However, it does get tiring, especially if it's every weekend. 

Nexus Fostering is there to support you, and there is always someone to talk to by phone to offer advice. There will always be a visit from Nexus afterwards and from the child's social worker.

When a child is determined to keep repeating this behaviour, you realise how little can be done about it. Eventually, the police struggle to know what to do. There are no easy answers; however much love and attention you give the children, it's often too little too late for some. In our experience, one missing episode is usually followed by multiple more and can spell the end of the placement if that is decided you the foster carer, child or their social worker.''

Nexus Fostering is an Ofsted outstanding independent fostering agency, aiming to step in and provide 1-1 advice, care and emotional support to any foster carers taking care of children or young people with missing episodes. Many children and young people do not have constant and reliable figures in their lives, so becoming a foster carer can help provide that constant support children and young people desperately need.

Next click here to read what happens when a child goes missing from care.