The Modern Day Foster Carer Part 4- The Family Dynamic with a Teenager

The family dynamic

Halima and Adam speak about adjusting to a routine took time with a new family dynamic, especially coming through the lockdown. Adam tends to go to work early, Halima said ‘the mornings are challenging, but that’s just with all three. Our young man is independent and goes off to school by himself’. Adam said,

‘We try to embrace having a teenager in the house, there’s something beautiful about the nature of a teenager, and I think if you get your head around how they feel, what they are going through, it’s incredible’.

Halima and Adam mentioned the importance of communication and basic stability and the constant reminders they provide so that their young man feels part of their family. They ensure he is the first to know of any changes. ‘Our extended family is his extended family, he’ll come to stay at my family’s, Adams family stays here and he spends a lot of time with them’.

Speaking about the teenage training they received at Nexus Fostering, essentially adults forget what it is like to feel or think that way. ‘It was eye-opening, it made us realise, you think you know what they are going through but when you understand it or are told, you just think wow, how are they functioning with what they are going through? Their brain function is kind of dynamic and so incredibly charged at this point in their life.’

‘You can at least overcome the challenges by appreciating that. I guess we’ve developed resilience in ourselves, I think it’s all founded upon this notion of appreciating the young person for who they are and what they do. You can be open to that then, and then you can value them, it doesn’t become a battle as much. It becomes a story that you are part of, which is actually a beautiful story.’

Adam spoke about how a two-year-old can be disruptive or problematic, but society refers to it as ‘beautiful and isn’t she lovely, they have tried to apply this to their young man and appreciate and embrace the things that they can.

Read Fostering Teenagers insight here

See Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 5 & Part 6 of Halima and Adam's Story